Three months of NOs

So I spent January-March looking for "no". Here is what I found - a whole lot of "yes". 

Quick recap, I don't like hearing the word "no" (with exception of things like "no you're not dying"). In my super cool brain, no = rejection. Total rejection. 

Weird right?  I mean that's pretty extreme. And we can't all be perfect. I've got good hair, so this brain misfire could be a way to balance things out. 

Anyway, I decided to purposefully seek out situations that I thought I'd get a "no". Kind of like tough love therapy. Maybe if I heard it enough, I wouldn't cry myself to sleep at night anymore. (That's actually a joke. I don't cry. Not like I'm too manly to cry. My face holes just don't work right). 

But, I digress. There was a fatal flaw in my grand plan. "No" was a bit elusive. I got a lot of "yes". 

- yes we'd like you to come do a show

- yes we'll pay you what you asked

- yes I'll do you a favor while expecting nothing 

- yes, yes, yes, yes

THIS DROVE ME INSANE. I only did that for a few months. What if I had done that for the last 30+ years???  I could be king of America or something.  In all seriousness, how much have I left on the table by saying "no" for someone else?  

The big question is why would I really say "no" for someone else?  Is my ego really that fragile?  

Then it hit me - it's all about control.  Some of us are control freaks.  We like to think we can micromanage every detail of life so that we receive the desired outcome.  This is a frustrating endeavor...mostly because it's impossible.  

Life becomes a huge psychoanalysis of what other's perceptions are of me at any given time.  "What if they took what I said the wrong way"?  "What if they didn't get my intent and assumed something completely different"?

Then this little gem came to me - so what if they do?  I hope that others know me well enough to assume the best in situations.  But if they don't, then a phrase I heard a lot growing up comes to mind - C'est la vie.  "Such is Life". 

If I spend my life trying to ensure that everyone else is happy, the only thing I'm confident I'll succeed in is making myself miserable.

goLiveBIGGER

Just Say NO

January is going to be my quest for "No".  The concept is simple.  Put myself out there and accept the response - good or bad.

I don't like rejection.  Or failure.  And I care about what others think.  Too much.  Like "lose sleep over it and replay conversations in my head" kind of too much.

What I like to do is protect my ego by attempting to read the minds of others.  I'll look at a situation, determine what I think will happen, and, if there is a chance of hearing "No", I'll just skip it and move on to something else.  

3 reasons for this project:

• "Yes" and "No" both come from the same place - trying something.
• Not asking is always a "No", and I'd prefer to hear it said then continue being a bad mind reader.
• The first "Yes" isn't always the "Yes" I'm looking for, so I'll keep looking for "No" even after a "Yes".

I am going to catalog every "No" I get.  The rules are arbitrary, and I'll make adjustments as I go.  The goal - to live bigger than I did yesterday.

go Live BIGGER

A comedian walks into Wal-Mart...

One doesn't simply go to Wal-Mart.  One must have a plan.  

Primary mission: flashlight and $5 sunglasses
Secondary mission: observe something funny for the Twitter
Overall goals: get stuff, people watch, speak to no one, self checkout, survive

From the moment I pull into the parking lot, I'm jaded and cynical. There are 2 thoughts in my head: "How can I put what I just saw into 140 characters" and "Being here makes me feel like I'm being punished for something".  

Let us begin...

I go to the Outdoors area and quickly find the flashlight I need.  This $25 flashlight must be popular with those inclined to steal flashlights because it's locked on the rack.  Now I must seek assistance.  (speak to no one)

The one lady working at the Outdoors desk is having a conversation with a non-employee visitor.  I think to myself, "Here comes my Twitter post" because they will obviously pay me no mind.  I'm disappointed when the visitor says "Go ahead sir, we are just visiting."  

I tell the worker what I need and she says, "We'll have to wait for the guy with the key to come back from break".  (YES!  Twitter post is at hand).  Unfortunately, the guy walks around the corner right after she told me that.

I get the flashlight.  We make small talk about how dumb it is to have to lock these things up.  She tells me that she has to check me out back here.  (After all, I could be one of the flashlight bandits) (self checkout).  I ask her to hold it for me while I look at sunglasses.  

There is no one in the sunglasses area.  (people watch)  Just sunglasses and underwear.  (Because those two things should be sold together).  After succeeding in my quest for the perfect $5 shades, I return to the flashlight area to make my purchase.

Worker and visitor are still having a good time talking.  At this point, I'm hoping that they ignore me so I can make up something funny about this.  Visitor quickly says, "Oh, you made it back.  Go right ahead."  (You're killin me, Smalls)

Visitor then proceeds to ask me about the glasses and the flashlight.  I tell her it's for a part I'm playing as a detective.  I do a generic Law and Order character and make jokes about stealing a flashlight.  She laughs.  Worker just gives me a sideways "you're kind of silly" look, but I'll take it.

I'm finally to the point of paying for my stuff when visitor looks at me and says, "Thank you for coming in here today.  You've been a blessing."

(NOPE! I do not accept that. This is not proper Wal-Mart behavior.)

I'm caught off guard, so I half laugh and ask "How so?".  Visitor says, "You brought us laughter.  Laughter is good medicine for the soul.  The world needs more of that."

(WHAT!! THE!!! WHAT!!!!)

When this happened, I pictured that scene from the Grinch when his heart grew 3 sizes that day.  A person that I have never met, and will probably never see again, said exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.

I wonder about "purpose" in life, because I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed.  Many times I find myself thinking that I should be in an office somewhere, using my degree to make a living for my family.  It's responsible and it's safe.  I definitely shouldn't be spending my days going on auditions, writing jokes, and planning ways to get people to climb mountains with me.

As an insecure human being, I want a giant billboard that says "Your purpose in life is straight ahead!".  More often, all we get is a small trail marker that says we're not lost in the wilderness.  I'm finally at a point of being excited about that.

go Live BIGGER

Just...go...man...

Have you ever seen one of these?  It's called a Rainbow Eucalyptus.  I am a 39-year old adult and I did not know these existed.  How is that possible?!?!?  

You know how I found this?  I went to Maui and took the road to Hana on a quest to find waterfalls.  A grove of these were just sitting there next to the road like no big deal.  There was no sign.  There was no "hey, you are about to see a tree that looks like it came from a cartoon" notation on the map.  It was like driving by a unicorn!

This all happened because Carm and I went to Maui for her big birthday.  We always wanted to go to Hawaii, so we saved up sky miles for about 18 years. 18 years!  That's a long time.  

I know what you are thinking - It took you that long to save up enough miles??? The answer to that is simple - nope.  It took that long to make the time to actually do go.  

The thing is, Hawaii to me was like a unicorn itself.  It was the place on TV where Thomas Magnum did his P.I. stuff and where a plane got Lost.  It was not a place people go to, especially when they have all these other responsibilities and work and kids and...excuses.  

Here's the reality: I didn't see my Rainbow Eucalyptus until last month for one reason - me. Instead of making it happen, I made excuses. Reminds me of a line in the song by Eddie Vedder called Guaranteed - "Everyone I come across in cages they've bought. They look at me and my wanderin', but I'm never what they thought...".  

I've spent way too much time building my own cage all the while blaming it on responsibility, growing up, and doing what I should do.  A trusted friend corrected me once when I said, "I'd love to, but what I should be doing is...". He said, "Can you show me the rule book on life that says what you SHOULD do? Who decides what SHOULD be done?"  It made perfect sense.  I was living life based on a lot of rules that I just made up under the guise of "should".  I've since decided not to live like that anymore.  Because I bet there are a lot more unicorns out there that I need to see.

Go do that thing you've been putting off.  You might find something you didn't even know you were looking for.

go Live BIGGER!

Big Adventure

Tomorrow starts a big adventure for me and my lady friend (my wife)!  Details in next week's blog.

If there is something you've been waiting a while to do...go do it!

go Live BIGGER

Nothing Special

I was talking with a younger friend of mine not too long ago.  The conversation got us to talking about life and him not knowing what he wanted to do.  I told him what I was doing with RockGator and entertaining people and he said to me, "Yeah, but I'm not as capable as you".  

Capable???  HA!  When I have a bad set or just one of those "not so funny moments", I can just about convince myself that I've never actually said anything funny in my life.

My view of me is from a 39 year perspective, not just whatever window you have seen a bit of me through.  Here's how I'd describe me - nothing special. 

My mom said I was special, and I was my grandma's favorite.  :)  But really, nothing special.  My cousins were funnier, smarter, better at sports, etc, etc.  I  was just an average kid, that set a low bar in life, and didn't expect to do anything great.

Even now, I spend way too much time and energy convincing myself that I should succumb to the odds and give up.  In response to that, I've decided to ignore the odds.  When it comes down to it, odds are for two sets of people: gamblers and those who want an excuse to give up before they try.

Yes, the odds of becoming the CEO, the famous actor, the teacher of the year, the professional athlete, the "insert what you dream to be here" may be slim.  

But here's the thing - someone is going to do those things.  Someone is going to defy the odds to win the prize or reach the goal.  I guess I could wait around for someone else to go get it and prove the odds right.  

But if I'm going to be here anyway, I might as well go get it myself.

go Live BIGGER

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis

That has been my most favorite reaction, by far, to my current status in life - "maybe it's a mid-life crisis???"  

First off, if I was having anything, it would be a mid-life apocalypse.  A mid-life crisis is for people who underachieve.  I would most certainly do it bigger.

Secondly, I see it more like a mid-life awakening.  I've spent way too much time drifting through life.  I would go as far as to wish away days just to get to the magical "weekend".  A weekend that would inevitably be filled with too many activities, only to leave me depressed on Sunday night thinking about what was coming the next day.

I need you to understand something.  My last day job was great.  Good people and a good company that did things the right way.  When I left, I told the CEO that I would not be leaving to go to another company, and I meant it.  The issue was...I wasn't meant to be in an office.  Any office.  

Somewhere along the way I got confused as to what the "pursuit of happiness" should be.  I turned it into what I thought was a safe, sterilized existence that was really just the illusion or idea of safe and sterilized.

The rally cry was "go to school and get a good job".  The goal was stability and financial security.  The means would be a degree in Computer Information Systems, because I thought "I could make some good money doing that".

The result - a good job, a nice house, some nice toys, a bi-weekly direct deposit, stability, and financial security.  Everything but the happiness.

But how could those things not make you happy?  Didn't you just describe the American Dream?  Yep, I believe that sums up the American Dream.  Just not my dream.

Last week, my lovely wife sent me a quote from Teddy Roosevelt.  It is one of the most inspiring things I have ever read. 

It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory or defeat. - Teddy Roosevelt

Mr. Roosevelt, your words still ring true to me over 100 years after saying them.  I will not settle for someone else's dream.  Even at the risk of failure, I will dare to live life and achieve more than just existence.

go Live BIGGER